Stroke and accidents

This week we've been focusing on life after a traumatic accident or after a stroke. One of the patients I saw (who I interviewed for almost 2 hours) had just had a stroke. She's thin, looks healthy, and walks (make that walked) around. But she is 85 and just lost her husband of 60 years (!!). Did that give her a stroke? Why did her body decide this particular moment to fail a little bit in its blood supplying job to the brain, rendering her leg and arm a dead weight?

"My" patient was upbeat and hopeful, given that she has a little mobility of some fingers. But after talking to the doctor I realized that this upbeatness is out of blissful ignorance, as she probably won't be able to walk again without a walker or go up her stairs--among other things.

I realize that 85 is a great age to make it in good health. She's lived a long life and she told me that she was "ready." It's the natural course of life, and it is a matter of time, and not of whether, that "mishaps" are going to cause our bodies to fail us like that. But I still have trouble accepting it. I guess it goes back to death and our coming and going in the world...maybe I haven't thought of that as much as I should. I am sure I will have plenty of opportunities to face death and the natural path of life in the next few years...

On the other side of things, the unnatural courses, we had a presentation by the Medical Center CEO, Dr. Berk. He had a biking accident in June that fucked up his C3 vertebra. And there went his ability to walk, grab things, control his bodily fluids, sign his name, wiggle his toes. Dr. Berk was not a CEO for no reason, and his talk was eloquent, matter-of-fact, and devoid of any self-pity. He simply took the turn too fast and skidded and went over his handlebars to break his neck upon landing. And as he was laying there, beginning to pant, he realized exactly what had happened, how high his break had to be for his diaphragm to be out. And he felt the sensation in his limbs leaving him, some of it without return, as he was laying there. Scary, huh?

He is back to work now and has a superduper chair that enables him to be a little taller than me if he presses a button, which I guess is good if you go to a lot of fundraisers where people tend to spill their drinks.

And sure, he still has an amazing job and a wonderful family and many things to go for him.

But he broke his neck. Not at age 85, but while still youngish. And even though he is gaining some sensation and some movement, he is now faced with a life very different from the one he had envisioned.

With this also I have issues (who doesn't!). And with the cases we were presented with right after the conference, like a teacher who had a skiing accident while in his 20's. Yep. Wheelchair for the rest of his life. Now happily married, happily employed as a 5th grade teacher. Looks happy and hipermegaenergetic. So why does it depress me?

I went on a ride today because it was over 30 degrees (most of the snow on the roads is gone) and because I am physically addicted to my bike. But as I was coming down new, unknown turns, I was sure slowing down more than usual.

The soberness of our week doesn't end up here. We've also been learning about all these genetic disorders that can be really messed up (and are more frequent than I ever thought). Just like last week we had patients with disabilities that were obviously living a full, satisfying life, we had a parent presentation this week of parents of children with disabilities that seem more overwhelmed than happy with their kids. And that might just be my impression.

Ahh. The weight of knowledge. Time for some Twilight (what!).

~e